be my escape

I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.


what i like about you

why i like the male species:

They’re cute

They smell soooo good (Old Spice☺)

They give you butterflies without even trying

They can make your day with just one word

They hold you (and make you feel small in their arms)

When they show affection in public

When they act like your petty worries are important just to make you feel better

When they make you forget your petty worries just by being there

When they make life seem SO SIMPLE

When the make you chase

When they chase you

When they make you feel worth a lot of energy

How they look when they get out of the shower and their hair is wet

When they tell jokes

When they’re dirty, it’s sexy

When they don’t care – it’s sexy

When they get dressed up

When they are working out and sweaty

When they try and play it cool but you can tell they’re nervous

When they observe small and wonderful things about you that you never realized about yourself

When they take charge

When they kiss you on your forehead, nose, cheek, hand

When they pick you up

When they drive

When they have to do something serious and take it really seriously… I just think that’s cute

When they don’t have shirts on

When they genuinely smile because something made them happy

When you know that it’s you that made them happy

When they listen to you talk forever

When they admit they’re wrong

When they call you pet names or nick names

When you discover that they’ve said something really wonderful about you to other people

When they are shaving

When they call you just to say hey and hear about your day – no reason

How they have tanned backs and necks and white butts

The jewelry they pick out for you

When they give you flowers

When they believe in you when you need to hear it the most (or when no one else does)

When they fight for you

When they are loving

When they play with kids/hold babies

When they are charming & you know they are being charming but you’re falling for it anyways

When they say “You’re beautiful”, “You’re amazing” etc out of absolutely no where

When they believe you are special and tell you that AND make you feel it

The way they will be the big spoon (sacrifice watching their favorite movie, etc) for you just because they love spoiling you

The way they protect you

The way they look in sunglasses

The way they love ball caps even though… didn’t those go out of style in 6th grade?

When they are old school and pay your way into the movies

When they are old school and pick you up at your door and walk you back

When they say “I can’t keep my hands off you”



Ha... some blogger I am. I write all my blogs at once... Muahaha.. just so they come in waves... just so you can't enjoy reading them at your disposal but you must read many things at once if you want to know about my life... muahha...


We spend too much money on frozen yogurt (Cherry On Top. Coveted. Most adorned.)

We love Taco's and Co. Happy Hour - $1 tacos and $4 pitchers? Yes please.

I think paying my Visa Bill is going to be a long and dreadful process.

I enjoy socks.

Days off work equals beach. Beach equals tan.

Claire and I <3 RockHarbor. Best church I think I've ever been to.

God is weaseling his way back into my life ... haha weaseling. No. He just loves me. And I am so grateful for that. Slowly but surely... I'm letting him change me.

My courses = Dead. I have no idea how I'm going to finish both summer courses by the time school starts.

I enjoy Sandy Hill Camp reunions (Alex from MD. Jordan from New Zealand.)

I learned how to play n64 007.

Kirby Ward. You will be missed. Ashram will never be the same without you. Rest In Peace, friend. I'll see you soon.

Hey Jude, (don't do that thing that you do with the water)

My cat finds satisfaction in digging his head into tall glasses of water even though he has his own perfectly cat worthy bowl by his food. This causes anxiety. We've had many a spills from his curiosity, but the worst was two days ago when my big orange cup was beside my laptop... I honestly don't know how I would ever pay to replace/repair an accident like that if I hadn't have been so lucky. I noticed right away, dropped what I was doing and proceeded to pick up my computer and literally dump the water off of it, kick Jude really hard, and make my way to the bathroom to take the blow dryer to it saying very loud cuss words along the way.

Luckily my computer is somehow okay. But... note to self.

Don't freaking leave anything uncovered in the presence of this dumbass cat.

Kabuki or BUST

My new job = Kabuki.

It's a Japanese Sushi restaurant and it's run by Koreans. I guess the best part about it is the free chicken teriyaki I get every shift I work. Haha but no really - working at Kabuki, my passions really are confirmed and can be summed up in one word - PEOPLE.

Even though my manager can be really awful sometimes (yes, mmhmm, indeed, he makes me cry that son of a bitch), I am so incredibly happy when I'm at work. I realized it's because I truly adore people, and I get to be the first one to speak to them when they come in the restaurant and the last one to see them as they leave. I take a lot of pride in that. I take a lot of satisfaction in knowing that I won't miss anyone who comes in to Kabuki in the run of my 5 hour shift. I love talking to people - "What are you folks doing tonight?" "Cute shoes! Where did you get them?" "Oh wow, I love your accent. Lemme guess... Australia?" "I hope you have an amazing birthday!! You seem to have really good friends" ... ETCETRA etcetra

I don't know why I love that responsibility so much. It's not just about walking people to their seat for me - it really truly isn't!! It's about connecting to the people I meet everyday because really - there are so many people in this world and I want a chance to find something beautiful in more than just my close friends and family. I want to reach out and find something in everyone that I can use to improve myself. Even if it's the snobby man sitting alone at the Sushi bar, complaining that I served him regular instead of Happy Hour prices (OKAY - THAT'S TOTALLY NOT OKAY) ... he teaches me to take critical examination...

I make little to no money working at that job. It's 12.5 miles away and getting rides is a total bummer most of the time. My shifts are far and few in between. I am constantly scrutinized by my manager (who, by the way, I still try to make smile and it hasn't happened yet). And the people I work with definitely think I have had too much to smoke. But I realized it's because of me, not because of my cirumstances, that life is so pleasing, and that the people think I smoked too much because they are in their Orange County bubble where people don't take their walls down. Everyone's so afraid to let people in here, and being at Kabuki has helped me realize that I'm not like that.

I love PEOPLE.