It's kind of bizzare how often, when I'm dealing with a little bruise on my heart or anxiousness, I get bursts of insight from various places that I feel are speaking directly to me. Maybe it's just my mindset that I start to think everything is so relevant and meant just for me to hear, but more likely I'd say, God is using my surroundings to show me new things. Sometimes I'm more open to hearing from Him than other times; right now would probably be a good example of a time I'm just paying more attention. But I'm sure if I really stopped and quieted my busy mind more often, I would find myself hearing the still, small voice that just reaches out, loves, and more importantly, guides my thoughts and actions.
Yesterday, my devotional was about choosing peace as an answer to a situation where you may butt heads with someone in your life. Okay... accepted as true but... ehhh - not ready.
Then today, I read Courtney's blog (which I haven't really ever) & it was about letting go of hurt. & this picture was on it.
First of all, I love Lemony Snickets. Second, that is me right now. Thanks for that.
Right now the lesson I am learning is how to put down my pride, chose peace, & let go of anger & resentment. I'm not talking about one of those situations where someone has really, truly, intentionally wronged you but one where you just don't see eye-to-eye with someone or they have hurt you out of ignorance and now feel sorry for doing so.
Resentment is a nasty thing, and it can cause you to act completely out of character & say things that you don't deep-down believe or feel - they are just temporary feelings that erupt out of a reaction. I think it's important to get those temporary feelings out. But that is maybe better done on a piece of paper that you subsequently burn because it's really not meant for anyone to see - it's just meant to make sure it's not rotting away inside your heart. Resentment can be one of those things that we hold on to because it's either too painful for us to look at or it's too humbling for us to forgive. I am not a grudgeful person, but I do think that my approach to dealing with someone who I feel has wronged me is unhealthy. I kind of just throw a fit when my pride has been hurt. It actually looks shockingly similar to a child who throws a tantrum after he/she feels silly for doing something embarrassing or wrong. It's just sometimes easier to blame than to possibly think you may have some ownership.
Eventually, though, I need to repent of that tantrum & chose to be at peace with my world & the people in it. The truth is, these things usually aren't happening for some arbitrary reason. They are usually happening because we have some growing to do. So today, I chose to look at my circumstance not as some sort of cruel harrasment from the world, but as a chance to show love, peace, humility, & from it, grow.
I think the world really misleads us into thinking the answer is to look out for #1. I do think that it's important we guard our hearts against things that will hurt us, but when we guard our hearts just so we don't look bad, it leads to a lot of unproductivity. Instead of moving forward, it's like we are choosing to remain as a stubborn child. I must chose to love my neighbor as myself. I already knew this deep down, but that truth has been reinforced in many ways over the past few days & I accept its importance.