uncontainable inexplainable unfathomable joy

We don't give her a name. Sometimes referred to as Devil Woman, she's the one who ripped my man's heart into too many pieces. I've never been seriously traumatically heart-broken. The kind where, when you repeat the story, others can't help but have some serious sympathy for your situation. I've been really lucky to have pretty neat and clean break-ups. No break-up is a good break-up, but you have to admit, there are some really bad one's out there, and I'm pretty sure Riley's would have to top the charts for evil. Evil doing, evil intentions, evil spirit... Just no bueno. I try as best as I can to understand what it's like but sometimes it's hard for me because I see how what she did to him is still affecting his life... including our relationship. I hope she never reads this because truth be told, both Riley and I would be extremely upset if she knew how much she is still haunting his life. It would be a disappointment to know that she would get that kind of sick satisfaction. Anyways, as best as one can, I try to really be there for him despite the fact that sometimes his broken heart turns into baggage that makes it hard for him to care about someone again. It's understandable and I know it's not personal. It has nothing to do with how good of a girlfriend I am. It is what it is. It's the past, and you can't change the past. You just live every day the best you can and try to move on. And I know that's what he's doing.

Going back to Vancouver didn't make his heart heal any quicker. He was suddenly bombarded by memories that she left him with. Good memories, I'm assuming, but ones that now just haunt him because all they make him think of is what she did to him. I totally called him out for it. I could tell he was uneasy. And he finally gave in and, leaving denial at the door, came clean about his insecurities when it comes to that dark aspect of his past.

We decided it would be in both of our best interests to take a week. To breathe. To think. To pray. To come to terms with ourselves and with our lives. Not a break like "Oh we're... on a break..." haha just a civil break from talking to each other so we could focus on our baggage and insecurities. It was a difficult week, but definitely well needed and extremely therapeutic. At least... for me it was. About 4 days after we started talking again I got a package in the mail from Riley. I opened it to find red cardboard cut-outs in some jigsaw pieces with writing all over each one with a paper-clip to secure them together. The sticky note on the outside read "I know she broke my heart into many pieces. But I'm certain you're the only one who can graciously put those pieces back together." And each piece had a message written on it - one for each day that Riley and I weren't talking. It made me laugh, and it made me cry. It was, to this day, the most thoughtful thing any one has ever done and for the first time, I experienced Riley's heart. I mean... I think I have experienced bits and pieces of it before, but this time, something was different and I felt like it was the most raw and real version of someones heart I've ever sensed.

After I finished reading them, I got my scotch tape and put the puzzle together. It was awakening, and revitalizing and beautiful. I feel so lucky to be the one who gets to put the pieces back together and to have a man who will let me do that. I'm sure he's not going to be totally stoked I wrote a blog about it - haha he's probably embarassed that he's such a softy and now everyone knows it. But he'll understand... I'm sure... :)

So yeahhh... we're basically the cutest thing since Ps. I Love You.
He's da best. Da best I ever had.

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