change of path, change of pace, change of life.

Every time I attempt to go for a run outside, I go through periods of uncertainty... "Well... I don't know if I am hydrated enough"
"I just finished eating"
"I haven't eaten enough"
"I could just go to Nubody's on the bike?"
"I hope no one sees me"
"It's really cold and... *cough*... I don't feel that great"
"It's that time of month"
...

Honestly.
The excuses could go on forever so just the feat of getting my butt out the door is a battle in itself. Once I start, then the decision turns to "Where do I run today?"
It's not like Antigonish is a mini San Francisco, but it definitely has it's fair-share of hills that should be taken into account when you chose your route. Personally, I like to plan my run to get the up-hill stuff out of the way. It's nice to get it over-with and then the flat land and down hill stuff is such a breeze.
When I was a little girl, Hawthorne Street seemed like the most enormous street ever. I only walked it if I absolutely had to. I remember in the summer, Lesley and my babysitters use to make us walk it and it seemed like it took all day to walk down and get some ice cream and go to the park and then walk back up. So the other day when I decided I would run up to my home-home from my X-home, I thought for sure it was going to be kind of difficult.
It wasn't. It turns out, Hawthorne is not that up-hill... it's fairly flat. And it turns out, it's really quite short.

I dunno why but all of this got me to thinking about how life is kinda like that. Not only do certain things seem to be in higher grade than they are (for example, I was SO nervous to not use a math work book when I graded from grade 2 to grade 3, but it ended up being not so bad once I got there and had to use... a scribbler... big D folks... or the fear of going to University in grade 12 and feeling like you'll never be ready for it) but also when we step out into our big scary world there are easy routes, and hard routes.
Sometimes we don't take any routes. We just wait for things to happen.
Sometimes we take easy routes. We do what we know we can do, we stay on the worn out path, and we are undefeated but totally unchallenged, bored and unchanged.
Sometimes, though, we step out of the comfortable path we're use to. Our pace slows down because we aren't use to it. Sometimes we don't even know if we'll make it - we don't know how much we can handle. Sometimes we keep going. Sometimes we take breaks. Sometimes we turn around. Sometimes we give up. The choices we make, and the paths we embark on, will inevitably affect the condition of our hearts. Just in the same way that our bodies will adjust to the same old work-out if we do them every day, our souls will remain static in the times we stay safe because it's habit and it's what we're use to.

All I know is...
I want more. I want to feel tired and keep going. I want to not know how many blocks there are to go before I will be finished. I want to push myself beyond my limits - beyond what barriers I've reached in the past that stopped me. I want to move into my runners high and feel challenged. I want to chose the path I'm not use to - the one I don't want to take, but that God wants me to take. I want to grow. I want to be changed. And then, I want to do it again.

When the burden seems too much to bear,
Remember, the end will justify
The pain it took to get us there.
-Rk

you can... but you shouldn't

You can, but you shouldn't complain that things are boring - that there isn't enough going on. That your town is too small, your weekends are repetitive, and your motivation for life in general isn't strong enough to actually do anything about it. We, as a generation, have been so overloaded with excitement that it turns to white noise. I remember dating a guy in high school who took a vacation with his family every single spring break. I think it's nice they spend their money on quality time together as a family but I noticed his 8- and 10-year-old siblings being less than impressed by Disney World because they had been there so many times that its excitement wore off. While on the topic of Disney, I even noticed the huge gap between my excitement and my friends' this summer when I finally had the opportunity to go. It was my first time and growing up, the exciting vacations me and my family took were to PEI and Moncton - cheah... Crystal Palace... Sandspit... so bomb.
Okay, okay. I'll admit I am kind of envious of people who grew up going to really amazing places and experiencing travel before they were even old enough to travel on their own. My point isn't to say that traveling and excitement and big Christmas's are bad in and of themselves. I guess my point is just to say that we are so bombarded by materialistic forms of pleasure and joy that we exhaust ourselves with so many activities and it becomes increasingly more difficult to satisfy our needs.
Just a thought to ponder on.
Maybe... when we are feeling bored... that we don't have enough... or that we're not doing enough exciting things, we should really stop and be grateful that we don't have something in our lives to legitimately complain about - as many of us do. If we find ourselves in a place where things are just plain boring, don't jinx it by wishing you had something to do. Because sure enough, there will be times you'll have something to do - and it will be anything but pleasurable. We are just on such roller coasters. Sometimes we're going up. Sometimes we feel we're crashing down. And sometimes we are at a standstill - the place in the roller coaster where you're moving but you're not feeling anything. Be thankful for those moments.
Be grateful. When you have a pet pass away (RIP Jude), you get dumped by a significant other, or worst of all, you lose a loved one or close friend to a tragic accident, you'll really notice the difference between boredom and drama, trauma, and sadness. And you'll miss having nothing to do or think about.
Let's just think about it friends.

<3

the Samaritan woman at the well

I love my Mom:

"... let the portals open and the of glory come down from heaven and fill you with the healing and peace and freedom that is yours to enjoy.

Remember, without a crisis we remain complacent in our relationship with God, so praise Him through it until you get the answer. The answer is coming, your healing is coming but you need to know... you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. "

- Mom

doe-doe-head

I feel like a bit of a doe-doe.
I spent the night at HOME-home last night which was beyond lovely. Had some real heart-to-hearts with Mom and relaxed. The best part was when I got up this morning to go to my 7am shift and she got up with me at 6am to make me coffee and breakfast which was totally unnecessary but very appreciated. She dropped me off and the first thing I said when I walked into the break room and saw Julia and Lauren was "I can't believe we're going to be here for 8 hours... that's such a long time." Haha... well... I ate my words no more than 2 minutes later when I discovered I wasn't suppose to be there until 3pm. Wicckkkeed. Nothing better than getting up at 6 for no reason.
It turns out I am actually happy. Not happy about working the 3-11 shift - I strongly dislike the 3-11 shift - but I'm glad I didn't know I was working that shift. If I did, I would have slept in, and bummed around until 3. I'm much happier getting up early and being productive. Can't even go back to bed because I've already had 2 cups of coffee. But I'm sure a nap will be in order after I go to the gym.
Anyways, since I've got a bit of extra time on my hands, I'll share some things. I chose point form, cause I have a lot to say and they don't really have anything to do with one another:

• Jude fail #691: knocks over my full 1-litre cup of water from my tall dresser beside my bed onto me and my body in the middle of the night. Talk about worst wake-up ever. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure I gave him an even stronger concussion than he already has.
• I'm no movie-critic, but I'm pretty sure Couple's Retreat makes my top ten boring movies list. Such a waste of $7.
• I gave up beer. Haaah. Wish me luck on that one.
  
• Zero motivation for school. I don't know what's happened to me. I use to be so studious and now I'm a last-minute kind of studier. Don't care.
  
• I miss O.C. and all the people in it.
• One-Month-Til-X-Ring was so much fun. Everyone was just so happy and carefree. I want to do it again.
  
• I bought a camera. Finally. I've been going crazy since I broke mine in SanFran - always depending on other people for pics. Claire: CanonPowerShot-SD1000. Sound familiar?
  
• 26 days until The Bling-Blang X-Rang Yo. :)
  
• Emotional-Theme-Of-Life-Lately = Insecure. Should I even admit that? Isn't that giving my insecurities more power? I dunno. All I know is that it's there and I want it to leave. So that's been my reason for getting rid of Facebook for a week. It's hard enough living in the real world with 100's of societal pressures but then throw the cyber world in there and it's a whole new battle. I've been focusing my attention toward God and the promises he's given me:
  
• 1 Peter 2:9 "But you are not like that. You are a chosen people. You are a kingdom of priests, God's holy nation, His very own possession"
• Ephesians 1:6-8 "So we praise God fo the wonderful kindness he has poured out on us because we belong to his dearly loved Son. He is so rich in kindness that he purchased our freedom through the blood of his Son, and our sins are forgiven. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding"
• 2:8a "God saved you by his special favor when you believed."
• Ahh. I could go on and on. It's truly the only way I can successfully do this "life" thing. I am over building my identity on things that fail me.
  
• I feel like a bit of a hypocrite since the title of my blog is "Content with where I am and getting where I need to be." I want to be content like that. I'm working on it.

Work In Progress…

you make all things work together for my good

"I know I still make mistakes but

You have new mercies for me everyday.

& Your Love never fails."

set in

Vancouver, B.C.

I love it.
I love everything about it.

I only spent 4 nights there but in those 4 nights, Riley had an exhaustive list of activities to make sure I got to see as much of the city as possible, and experience it for everything it's worth. I am so glad it was Riley, of all people, who was responsible for making my two-way ticket worth the money. Because he appreciates the same things I do and had such a desire to just treat me and show me a good time.

I arrived there late at night - later than planned - around 1:30a.m.. So I was pretty tuckered! I was so cranky the flight had bothered my sinus infection a lot but as soon as I saw him, standing at the bottom of the escalator, my heart skipped a beat. Is that man really mine? That handsome, and extremely charming man? I hugged him when I got off the elevator and made a mental note to myself to really try my best to shake of my sickness. He took me through the city to show me the lights and we headed into Burnaby, his town, and finally, Pandora Street. I was so excited to be there, but fell asleep instantly regardless. The next morning we slept in and he informed me this morning's activity is kayaking and hiking! So excited about both. We ate waffles, got dressed, packed a lunch.
Kayaking was incredibly gorgeous. It was so peaceful and we even got so lucky to get close to some seals. I felt a huge rush of peace as we paddled through the green hills - I felt loved, and protected. It was so quiet. The hike was perfectly challenging for me and my cold, and when we got to the rock at the top, we got to look down at the waters we had just been in and ate ham sandwiches Riley made.
That night I was so lucky to spend it with his roommates and friends for a potluck. Riley BBQed steak and made a casserole and I mixed some guacamole. We had some delicious red wine, a ginormous feast with way too much food left over, and a dance-party. Then someone had a brilliant idea that Riley and Ryan make a video to Eminem's Lose Yourself. Definitely entertaining:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5ENsstN8RI

The next two days were spent exploring the city - going to the market, doing a little down town shopping and sight-seeing, walking in parks, sitting on the shore, taking touristy pictures - stuff like that. And Saturday night he told me to put on my finest for a surprise: "It's something I've always wanted to do but never have. I don't think you've ever done it - there are only a few in the world. I'm not going to tell you what it is but basically, you can't be over-dressed" :) He had me close my eyes until I was facing all of Vancouver city half-way up a glass elevator. It was phenomenal - a rotating restaurant. Definitely not something you do everyday but I definitely recommend it. "I was trying to think of a way to show you the whole city in 4 days. I thought this would be perfect" and it was - such a great evening. We went to the Karaoke bar his roommate, Breanne, bartend's at and he sang the classic, Teenage Dirtbag by Weezer... an obvious choice. Sunday night after church we ate at the restaurant he works at - the Keg - incredible and affordable [with his discount]. I was feeling really sick by the end of it though, so we headed home and I crawled into bed like a big baby and got serenaded to sleep by Riley's voice.
We spent our Thanksgiving Monday first eating sushi and then with family-friends of the Merrell's - but basically family. It was precious. They had a long table and so many people over and at the end of the meal we went around and said something we were thankful for. It was kinda over-the-top adorable. Riley and I took some coffee, 3 hours before leaving for the airport, sat on the patio by the heater and recorded a song together. Not really good quality what with my sniffles in between meters but still great because it meant a lot for us to record that medley together.

We drove to the airport and people-watched a lot and found a really great way to lay down on airport benches where we both get to lay down and we both use each others shoulders as a pillow. Riley was like "take a mental picture of this one - we won't want to forget it for when we start traveling together." Haha we watched so many couples say goodbye to each other and judged them because they aren't as good as us. Instead of hugging, kissing, and crying, we did a secret handshake, highfive thingy when it was time for me to go through security... just so we wouldn't be one of those couples. But then we were serious and it got all sad. :(

Umm so basically, I'm in love.
I'm in love with Vancouver, and I'm in love with Riley. Ooo. The L-word.
Get out of the way - we're in love.

Oh.
And did I mention we're spending Christmas together in B.C. as well? Yup. Intense.
Happy, happy, love-dovey meeeeeeeee.

cough cough cough cough sniffle barf Zzz

Okay minus the barfing part. But dude can I just complain for like 4 sentences?
I am siiiiiiiiiiick and actually don't remember the last time I felt so terrible! My entire body aches, have mucus in every area of my sinus's and my head feels like 100 pounds. Not to mention my cold sweats and lack of taste and smell... I'm miserable. I've heard horror stories of people flying when they are sick but I never really understood what the big deal is until I did it. It's not that you just have a lack of space to stretch your legs, no one to cuddle or care for you, and no real privacy... but the elevation does quite the number to your head. Take it from me: flying with a sinus infection does not make your ears feel good. I came home with a "hemmorage" to my eardrum... whatever that means. I suppose it's better than a rupture but still... who wants a hemmorage?!
I wanted to slap Riley when he said "Lucky you ... you just stay in bed all day and sleep and then talk to me and then sleep..." ARGGH! Does he know how uncomfortable this is?! I would way rather be in the real world and healthy and writing my midterms and being normal than this. I got out of my midterms but I'm still going to have to write them at some point plus I'm so far behind in all of my work cause now I have missed classes I have to somehow make up for.

BLAH.
I think this is to teach me a lesson that your health is the most valuable thing you own. Cherish it. Love it. Cradle it... and hold onto it. You don't realize how wonderful it is until it evaporates from your fingertips and you have to just sit and wait for it to get better.

giving thanks

I'm thankful for a lot of things this thanksgiving. But it's fairly predictable that this thanksgiving will be unique in that I will be thankful for the amazing man I am so privileged to spend it with. It will also mark the two month anniversary of the day I met him (in person, not cyber world) - which doesn't seem like a very long time to have known someone - but I consider it to be significant because within those two months (and the months leading up to it... in the cyber world) I have not only gotten to know some of the in's, out's, up's, and down's of a person that I had immediate positive feelings for, but I have come to a greater understanding of myself, my heart, and my God. I have grown up more in these past two months than I have in the earlier 12. I have left fear at the door and have challenged myself beyond what I believed I could have met. This isn't a corny thanks for my boyfriend - he's so cute and like we like to like hold hands and kiss and it's so cool and he's like really amazing. Yeah he is those things and I am definitely a big-time little school girl about this incredible boy. But, more than that, in all seriousness, I have so much gratitude that I have someone in my life to inspire me and build me up into a stronger, better, and more beautiful me than I thought was possible.

Thank you for accepting me into your arms this Thanksgiving. Thank you for your support and for your confidence in me as an individual. I have no doubt you deserve many of the thanks I have to offer.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you so much that you have allowed me to handle Gold when I didn't spend silver wisely. Thank you for bringing me to a new level of me, and for granting me with peace I have not felt for a long time. Thank you for the past, where I have stumbled, the present, where I climb, and the future, which you hold, and have blessed me with the hope in advance for. You are an incredible God to serve because you come right when I need you, but you also allow me to fall, so I can know what it's like to be picked up. Thank you for sending me Riley when I was undeserving. I love you. You deserve the most thanks. Amen.